Z REPORT

They had gathered in a small boutique hotel by the sea, in a completely different city, for the company’s annual goal-setting and evaluation meetings. One of the workshops was called the “Z Report.” When Berfu heard the phrase, “We will draw the Z report of our lives,” she froze for a moment. Those words pulled her into deep reflections, and before she knew it, she found herself whispering out loud in the middle of the meeting, “Oh, if only…”

There were a few soft chuckles, yet everyone in the room felt the same subtle tightening in their chest at the thought of taking a “life Z report.”

“How were they even supposed to do that?”

When she reviewed her own life, she realized she wasn’t very happy with where she currently stood. Most of what she wanted to do remained either spoken or merely intended, and she felt trapped between her desires and her obligations.

There were lessons she needed to study, a home that needed order, children to care for… and of course, she couldn’t forget her job. She needed to tend to each of these separately. She was an employee, a mother, a wife—and also a student. Sometimes she imagined herself as a woman with four arms—hair messy, a book in one hand and a mixer in the other…

Success or failure in any of these roles naturally affected the others. If they had asked her before the workshop, she would have said her identity was “advertising,” but she now realized it was just another role. As for motherhood—there she was, trying to prove she was the best mother, yet unable to get even her own child to listen to her.

Two days passed in silence. Her husband came and asked, “Are you okay?”

A single “yes.”

He knew something was wrong, but even she couldn’t name it exactly. All she felt was that she had no time. Time was slipping through her fingers like sand, while her goals stood still ahead of her…

She was trying to think through one simple question: “What am I going to do?” But she had so much she wanted to say. She was upset—at her husband, her boss, her mother, her sister—but mostly at herself. That was why she had fallen silent. She couldn’t sleep because while so many things needed to be done, she couldn’t imagine how she was supposed to face tomorrow. Yes, Berfu had a Z Report in her hands. But the Z Report didn’t tell her what to do. Where was she supposed to start? How would she continue? How could she handle all of this alone?

She first turned to social media, hoping to find an answer. A few videos in, she sighed, “What I’m looking for isn’t here.” For years she had sought answers through the same sources, and they had brought her only this far—without offering real change. Her frustration grew.

She called her mother, out of her usual sense of responsibility.

With a tired voice she asked, “How are you?”

And her mother began to speak.

“Do you remember Mrs. Neriman from downstairs?”

“What happened, Mom?” she asked, weary and drained.

“She’s very sick. I went to visit her. She asked about you. I got worried. She wondered how you were.”

“And…?”

“Oh dear, what do you mean ‘and’? The woman asked a question. Nothing is ever good enough for you. We ask—you’re upset. We help—you’re upset. All you care about is your work. Your mind is always on those advertisements. As if they’ll do any good…”

“Okay, okay,” said Berfu.

“Okay.”

Three “okays,” just like always, and she hung up quickly.

Her mother cooked for them; she was more like the mother than the grandmother, and often even seemed like the lady of the house. This went on for years, until her daughter finally started school. After that, Berfu had created some distance—calling occasionally, doing her shopping, soothing her conscience with these small gestures.

“But in this life… why was she doing anything at all?”

She had called her mother simply because she felt she should. Another item checked off the endless list. She made a tick mark next to it, then pressed the pen down again and again—so hard that it nearly tore the paper. She wanted to write down what her mother had said:

“Nothing you do is ever enough. We ask—you blame us. We help—you blame us. All you care about is your work. Your mind is only on advertising. As if it will ever benefit us…”

And she wrote it, in big bold letters.

Despite all the bitter thoughts swirling in her mind, she got up and made herself a large cup of coffee.

She thought about her responsibilities at work and what she had gained…

Money—she ticked it.

She thought longer and longer, but couldn’t find any other heading to add another tick. Despite how busy she had always been, all she had gained from her job was money—and she didn’t even have time to spend it. As newer people came in, as ideas and trends changed, she felt more inadequate and more argumentative. She kept trying to increase her tick marks, not realizing how tense she became each time she made one. Her muscles hurt. Her back was tight.

When her child was only two months old, she should have taken maternity breaks—but she was at work. She had given formula instead of breastfeeding. Regret—tick.

She had missed her child’s first step, though she would have given anything to witness it. Regret—tick.

Her child’s first word “mama” had been said to her grandmother. Regret—another tick.

She had been so angry with her mother… “How can you love her as your mother?” Regret—another tick.

Time stood still. She cried and cried, curled up wondering how she would ever get herself out of this.

At that moment, her beautiful daughter came near, hugged her, and said, “Mommy… it will pass. Everything will pass.” Just the way Berfu herself used to say. Exactly as the child had learned from her.

Berfu stood up and smiled at her daughter. Then she typed a message on her phone:

“I’d like to take ten days off. It’s a bit urgent—my apologies.”

She set the phone aside quietly and held her daughter tightly.

“Tomorrow is another day, inshaAllah.”

Since the beginning of humanity, Our greatest friend and enemy has remained the same: The person in the mirror...

"Experiential Design Teaching" is dedicated to help humans discover their true purpose. It guides people toward open consciousness to make better decisions and choices. It offers strategies for real solutions to real problems.

The programs that begin with “Who’s Who,” followed by “Mastery in Relationships” and “The Psychology of Success,” aim to help people become happier and more successful compared to their past selves.